Life Restoration

Reflections from Davina G.

Why So Calm?

The dim light bulb illuminated the quietness of them sleeping, dreaming of home or family.  Maybe.  I think so.  It is where they go to hug mom, or the kids, and get puppy kisses.  In their dreams they are free to experience those moments that they want to relive over and over agian.  The happiness fills the room if only for a moment, but you must get up very early to feel it.

 

Dressed and packed up!  Drinking the last bit of my coffee.  All acquired possessions passed on to those you want to comfort until their time comes.  Ready?  The final walk through the courtyard past the window where you worked commissary.  Well, they called it work.  But it is where you got to laugh and encourage and take a little of the scary away.  From that window, passing out the goodies where you cried; watching the happy "going home" dance and hurt watching the bowed heads of those denied.

 

There it is, the front door and a bag of clothes to wear home.  Now in jeans once again and a brand new pair of tennis shoes you get to walk out in.  This, the moment you have thought about, dreamed about and prayed a thousand times a day for.  One might think there would be such jubilation!!!!  At least one of the dreams you had dreamt a million times should come true.  But it wasn't like that.  Not for me anyway.  I remember at the time asking myself, "Where is the WOW moment?"  Where is the exclamation point?

Why so calm?

 

Fast forward six months....permission granted!  I am going to my family reunion.  Where is that excitement?  It is lost in the worry and concern of judgement and condemnation.  In the fact I let them down somehow.  That I am somehow not the person they once loved and cared about.  Well, evidently I had way too much time on my hands or on my mind.  They were my family!  And they acted like it.  I got the same hugs and smiles and miss you that I always did.  Maybe even a little bigger and longer hugs.  The calmness returns.

 

Another six months and I am in my mother's living room surrounded by my beautiful family.  It is Christmas time and this memoir is my gift to them.  It is an expression of my love.  An explanation of my heart.  You see I am still calm.  Why?

 

It is an accumulation of a million prayers answered in His time, in His way, and in His love.  It is His promise.  It comes with understanding.   Once you have faced the person you are, becuase of where you have traveled through  choices and consequences, that you are His, He loves you, and He walks with you no matter what.

 

It is His Peace, Given through His Grace

Thank you for your prayers.  He heard.  He answered.